The night I conquered burger making

I was on a no-red-meat and no-ground-meat kick for a while.  I just couldn't get past the idea of chewing on a steak or a burger (be it ground beef, turkey, or chicken).  Last week, that passed and I bought a steak and it was good. (*enter holy music*)

As I wrote yesterday, I've been reading This Week's Menu and recently printed out a whole bunch of recipes I want to try.  When the hubby asked if we had a plan for dinner, I realized - yes, we did!  This Week's Menu to the rescue!

So after work, I stopped by Trader Joe's to pick up ground beef, whole wheat buns, bacon, and potatoes.  I already had at home everything else necessary for Cheeseburgers with Oven Fries and Corn with Bacon and Shallots.  Just typing that out has made me start to drool, it sounds so damn good (probably also because I woke up late this morning and did not have time to pack lunch so I just have fruit for lunch today).

Confession: making burgers makes me nervous. If I bite into a burger that is more than the palest pink or, god forbid, actually red (*shudder*), I will gag and will not be able to continue eating dinner.  So I fear under-cooking burgers but, of course, I also fear OVER-cooking them since a dry, hockey puck of a burger is just as gross as a bloody one (to me). However, I will now admit - dinner turned out GREAT!  I have never made a better burger and even the fries turned out good (I kind of suck at making potatoes, too, which is shameful in my family).  Even the hubby commented on how juicy and tasty the burgers were.  Score! The secret to my success (i.e. the recipes I borrowed):

For the burgers: I took 1 lb of ground beef (I used 80/20 because it was the cheapest) and mixed it with about 1/4 cup of Worcestershire sauce, 1t of onion powder, and one egg.  I formed it into four patties and cooked them for five minutes on each side and then one minute more as I added American cheese and let it melt.  (Note: I cooked them in a skillet and DID NOT touch them the whole time they cooked, except to flip them.  DO NOT touch burgers and definitely NEVER press them down, okay?  Okay.  Burgers may intimidate me, but I know that much.  No pressing.)

For the fries: I took 4 russet potatoes (four because that's what came in the bag - I probably would have just used two if I could have bought them individually - hubby will eat the leftovers anyway).  I sliced them into steak fry shape, poured some olive oil (regular) in a lidded bowl, sprinkled some salt and pepper in it, added the fries to the bowl, drizzled more olive oil and salt and pepper on top, put the lid on, and shook gently to coat all the fries.  I then laid them out, single file, on a baking sheet and baked them for 20 minutes, flipped them, and then 20 minutes more.

For the corn: I doubled Andrea's recipe for this since it was all the corn we had left and I knew hubby would (once again) enjoy the leftovers.  So, I took 8 slices of bacon (they were very thin), chopped them up, and cooked them until they were crispy, then laid the bacon out on a paper-towel-covered plate to drain.  I wiped out the pan, leaving some bacon fat, and then added the shallots, cooking them until they were soft.  Add the corn, cook until starting to brown.  Then add the bacon, mix it all up, remove to bowl, add salt and pepper to taste.

Ta-da (and, yes, I swirl my ketchup).  But, seriously, MAKE this dinner if this is your kind of food.  It wasn't difficult and it was super yummy.  I would love to try to make the burgers on a grill sometime (um, when we get one). Tonight the hubby and I are going out to dinner and then to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!  (Have I mentioned my Harry Potter fixation?  Have I?  I have?  Okay, good, just want to make sure.)  So we're off the hook for home cooking tonight, but I think some more TWM meals might be in store for future evenings... stay tuned!

7 Quick Tuesday Takes - links edition

For this week's 7 Quick Tuesday Takes, I want to highlight some sites that I have recently stumbled across in my web browsings and am now totally in love with and addicted to.

1. Tumblr
What is Tumblr?  It's another social networking site, sort of.  It's kind of like a mix between Wordpress and Twitter.  It functions like Twitter in that you post a list of things which can be random and only related by the fact that you posted them.  You can have your blog feed in; you can link to Twitter, post pictures, links, anything.  How it functions for me is that it lets me post nifty or interesting things I find that I don't want to clog up Wordpress or Twitter with (even though I'm having Tumblr feed to Twitter, hm).  So far I'm enjoying it; we'll see where it goes.

2. The Sartorialist
Simply stunning fashion photography.  It's inspirational to me that there are people out there really trying to, as I see it, make themselves into art.  If we were food, they'd be five star cuisine and I'd be Wendy's.  Must work on this.

3. The Daily Puppy
Every day brings a new photo of an utterly adorable puppy that I want to take home and just hug until I fall asleep.  Seriously cute stuff (way cuter than Cute Overload, even).

4. This Week's Menu
This blog features the details and photos of the writer's (Andrea) meal plan for the week.  The photos are always beautiful and the food sounds totally scrumptious.  I envy the people who make a serious, full-week meal plan on a regular basis.  Must adopt that life skill.  (The first post on the page as of this blog entry is for Shells and White Cheddar with Fresh Corn, Thyme and Burst Tomatoes.  Excuse me while I lick my monitor.)

5. Pajamas and Coffee
This writer and mother of four is totally hilarious - AND she named her blog after two of my very favorite things in life.  (One day when I am at a loss for blog topics, I will post about my obsession with pajamas.)  Just go to her About Me Page (amusingly titled, "Who are you? Who? Who?") and read the descriptions of the "players" in her blog (i.e. her family members) to get a glimpse into her humor.  I haven't gone back and read old posts yet, but I will be at some point soon.

6. Mighty Girl
Yes, another Mommy Blogger (found her through Momversation) - but she and her blog are so much more than that, actually.  The whole picture is that she's Mighty Maggie - and she has the Mighty Closet, a great number of things to say, and the Mighty Life List (kind of like a 101 in 1001/bucket list) - which has recently been picked up and sponsored by Intel, no kidding!  Lucky gal!  Her pictures are great; her clothes are great; her ideas are interesting - what more could you want from a blog?

7. Food & Fizz
People submit their food and beverage photos to this site, then the site owners choose the best and post them daily.  They have a really helpful food tag cloud that lets readers find the posts that interest them or you could just click "Randomize" and see what you get.  It's an adventure every time! So I hope this was helpful and interesting and that you find at least one new site to read, explore, and possibly follow.

Note: I view all of these blogs (and many, many more) by using Google Reader.  No, Google is not paying me or forcing me or even encouraging me to point you their way (but, boy, wouldn't that be great to be paid by Google?).  Still, I highly, highly suggest that you get yourself logged in to Google Reader and use it to manage all the blogs you read. The bonus is that every day when you wake up, you get to log in to your Google Reader and see who's posted new blog entries.  It's like a little list of presents waiting for you, every day!  (Seriously, that is how it feels.  It's wonderful.)

Happy reading!

What is a writer? Who is a writer?

Someone said something to me today along the lines of, "Now, I'm not a writer, but I think..." and went on about their point (about Harry Potter, incidentally).  I followed by saying, "Well, I am a writer, but I also think that..." and as I continued talking, I had this meta-conversation in my head about the fact that I just stated that I'm a writer.

When I was younger, a writer was one of two things: 1) someone who made their living by writing (or, conversely, was independently wealthy and could spend their time writing, regardless of the income it did or did not bring in) or 2) someone who was so passionate about writing, that even though it wasn't their primary vocation, they found themselves filling all their free time with writing, practically craving the activity.

I have never been either of those, really.  Certainly not #1 and only occasionally #2.  Something is shifting, though, and I find myself sprouting ideas throughout the day - both for the blog and some personal writing I've been starting to work on.  There's still that feeling of inadequacy, though - that the writing I do (here and otherwise) doesn't actually qualify me as a writer. So what will it take?  I suppose having something published would do it - that would satisfy the "income earned" qualification.  Beyond that, I don't know. I'm feeling like a writer lately, though - and that counts for now.

Precious Saturday quotations

Did you know that "quote" is actually a verb?  So that's why it's Saturday quotations - that's the noun form.  Okay, I'll put the English professor away now.  Quote as a noun is becoming accepted now anyway (much to my chagrin).  Moving along...

Yesterday the fam and I went to my godson's (little cousin's) 5th birthday party.  My cousin (his mom) always has themes for her kids' birthday parties; this one was a music theme so they had inflatable and real instruments for the kids to play with and a little stage area for them to perform, plus some musical chair-type games and a cake with a musical carousel on it.  Kids love making noise, so needless to say, everyone had a great time.

Quote #1 - "Tattoo!"

The kids all got press-on tattoos, like little rock stars. TJ's dad has tattoos so he already knew what they were and was very excited to have a tattoo, just like Daddy. He kept pointing at it, grinning, and saying, "Tattoo!" with the emphasis on the second syllable. So cute.

Quote #2 - "Boo!"

No matter how many times we play peek-a-boo, it never gets old. My sister said she's going to be playing peek-a-boo with him as he leaves for college.

Quote #3 - *Excited sucking sound*

Whenever TJ is excited about something, he sucks in his breath and makes this, "Eeee!" noise. He does this when he's on a swing or hears his dad on the phone.

Quote #4 - "Oh boy!  Wind up liederhosen!"

No, seriously. My godson, Erik (whom you may recognize as the ringbearer at my wedding) said this when he saw these toys with his birthday cake. The boys are half German and enjoy going to Oktoberfest and other similar festivals. Note: Erik is actually wearing liederhosen in this photo.

I vote the wind-up liederhosen as the quote of the day.

The wonderful Friday that was

This Friday began my "summer hours" at work, meaning I have Fridays off (but work slightly longer hours during the week).  If this first Friday off was any indication of how great these days are going to be, it is going to be a great summer.

1. I actually slept in late; I didn't get out of bed until 9:30!  That's insane for me.  I'm up at 7am every day and usually can't sleep past 8am, maybe 8:30am on the weekends.

2. I lazed around, drank coffee, ate a yummy Hungry Girl* breakfast, sat around reading blogs and watching Food Network.

3. Rebecca Woolf posted not one but TWO blog posts today!  One on her site and one on her Babble blog.  A great day, indeed.

4. I cleaned the bathroom AND the kitchen.  Why is this great?  Because they were gross, that's why, and I can't think straight when my living space is messy.  I need to get my husband to feel the same way, somehow.

5. I got to babysit my nephew, TJ.  My sister had a doctor's appointment so I went over a bit early, spent an hour with the two of them, then watched him for an hour, and then spent another hour with them.  He is SO adorable and sweet and entertaining, but also SO Jekyll and Hyde: happy laughing one minute, and screaming tantrum the next.  He's almost 16 months old and already knows 40+ words, so perhaps the terrible twos are making their way early as well.  Regardless, I could still spend all day with him (although my sister and I had an interesting conversation about how neither of us could be stay-at-home moms and totally revere those who are, but those are thoughts for another time).

6. I took my previous "chicken and salsa" slow cooker recipe, substituted pork chops for chicken, and ended up with super yummy salsa pulled pork, which I then put on nacho chips and sprinkled with cheese.  Mmm.  I also made a tomato/avocado salsa that my husband and I are obsessed with lately (courtesy of Cooking Light).

7. I only needed half a lime for the salsa, so the other half got squeezed into a glass and I enjoyed a super refreshing homemade limeade.  Mmmm, so good.

I only hope next Friday can live up to this one.

*The Hungry Girl Easiest Egg Breakfast Ever

Things I Miss Friday - Electric Youth

The other day at work, I walked past a young woman in the ladies' room and was overcome by a strongly familiar but not immediately recognizable scent.  As I continued walking, I searched the recesses of my brain's olfactory memory boxes and suddenly it dawned on me: Electric Youth!

I swear to you, I believe she was wearing this perfume.  I have to believe that because why else would my brain dredge up this scent memory?  It's not like I've thought about this perfume recently - although, however, I have been humming the song since the day I smelled it.

These days, everyone has a perfume: Britney Spears, Beyonce, Shania Twain, P. Diddy (Sean John), Celine Dion, Jennifer Lopez.  But how many of theirs are based on hit pop songs?  I did a quick check and I can find none.  They're the equivalent of a movie written specifically to make someone into a star.  These aren't inspired perfumes, oh no.  They stand on their own without a song to back them up.

Electric youth, feel the power You see the energy comin' up, coming on strong The future only belongs to the future itself And the future is electric youth It's true you can't fight it, live by it The next generation, it's electric

The future only belongs to the future itself.  Whoa.  Deep... and very pretty smelling. The perfume did remind me of youth.  It smelled sweet and earnest, not like it was trying too hard or trying to be sexy at all.  It said, "Hey, boy, I hope you notice me" not "I'm half naked, wanna come home with me?" like most tween-intended products seem to say these days.  It made me wish that I had saved some of mine, but how could I have known that something like this would seem so precious and fleeting later on.

7 Quick Thursday Takes

So, okay, I usually do 7 Takes on Tuesday (because I'm an alliteration addict) but this has been an odd week, mainly due to events at work that are far too boring to even bother getting into. 

So onto the seven:

1. I have to do some in-class presentations next week and absolutely LOVE that the presentations are now narrated wmv files instead of Powerpoint slides that I have to narrate.  Basically, I get to go into the class, hit play, and smile.  I don't mind giving presentations (I do it all the time, plus I teach) but these tend to be a bit dry and happen either first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening, so it's nice to have it be a passive activity.  (I'm lazy, whatever.)

2. Last night the hubby, his brother, and I had dinner at Bobby's Burger Palace, Bobby Flay's sort-of-fast-food restaurant.  It was super, super good.  The burger I had isn't on the menu because it's the monthly special: the Mulberry Street Burger, which will sound familiar to you if you watch The Next Food Network Star because it was the winning burger in a recent challenge.  It has mozzarella and basil on it (and other stuff I forget).  It was sooooo very yummy.

3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (the film) comes out next week but IMAX doesn't have it scheduled until July 29th.  WHAT???  I think I might actually go see it in the local (non-IMAX) theater this weekend and then go see it again when the IMAX one is out - because I am that obsessed.  (Did I mention my grad thesis was on Harry Potter?  Yeah.  It's a way of life.)

4. I have another internet idol (idol #1 being Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child, of course).  I love Slices of Life because it is exactly what it promises - a slice of this woman's life.  Every day she posts a picture of what she's wearing, where the pieces are from, what she has packed for lunch, and what the plan for dinner is.   For many of us, I believe that really is one of the largest "slices" of our life.  Sure, based on feelings, our spouses and children and families and friends are far more important, but life is just as much about the daily in-and-out details and sometimes making those wardrobe and food decisions are just as taxing and annoying as an overwrought conversation.  I love the idea and wish I thought of it first so I could make a "Slice of Life" page on this blog.  Darn.  I never have the good ideas first.

5. I hate when people thank me for speedy email replies when it took me more than an hour to respond.  Why are there still such low expectations for email?  Are you really amazed that you emailed me yesterday at 3pm and I responded at 10am today?  I actually felt bad about how long it took me to reply.

6. I never mentioned visiting my best friend's new daughter, Madison.

Her dad, Mike, has been one of my best friends since I was 20 (so almost 14 years now, crazy to think about) and was my "Man of Honor" at my wedding.  When I got to their house, he was out walking the dog so I hugged his wife (who is also my good friend, of course) and squee'd over Madison.  When he walked in the house, though, I burst into tears and said, "Damn.  I knew I was going to cry when I saw you."  It was just so emotionally moving to see this friend I grew up with (because, really, we grow up in our 20s) as a father now.  It was so wonderful and I can't wait to be a part of Madison's life as she grows up.

7. I want to write a book.  Is that crazy to think I can do that between my two jobs, grad school, housework, and future family raising responsibilities?  Probably - but I still want to do it.

I have off on Fridays for the summer, so today is my Thursday-pseudo-Friday.  Hurrah!  What's better than a few extra minutes of shut-eye on a Friday morning?

A woman's life through her clothes

16. Read 30 books I haven't read before. (11/30)

Love, Loss, and What I Wore
written and illustrated by Ilene Beckerman

This is a truly charming little book. Ms. Beckerman traces her life from the 1940s to the present through her clothing, from her Brownie uniform to the clothes her granddaughter plays dress-up in. There is something so magical about women's clothing from the 40s and 50s; her descriptions are absolutely enthralling (if you're interested in the history of women's fashion). She talks about her t-strap shoes and Revlon nail polish, her crinoline and her 70s pantsuit.

This book made me wish I had such a personal relationship with my clothing (her mother made most of her clothing when she was a child) and I couldn't help but think about how we are now so removed from the clothing we buy (just like we're so removed from the food and other necessities we buy). I borrowed this book from the library and read it while I did laundry at the laundromat tonight - and I only needed half the time at the laundromat to read it. It's definitely the sort of book you read and the re-read slowly, perhaps not even in order, finding your favorite outfits again and letting them spur you on to remembering some of your favorite outfits and where you were and what happened when you wore them.

W & C

Today's post is brought to you by the letters W (WANT!) and C (mmm... CHEESE!)...

These cheese knives are new on Delight.com and, as "Today's Delight", it's only $20 for the rest of the day.  Augh!  Want!  I suck at remembering what knife to use for what cheese.  I think this set is useful AND super cute and a great conversation piece, as well.  What could be better? Oh, I know - free cheese to sample the knives with.  Mmm cheese. Oh yeah, I gained 2/5 of a pound this week.  Thank you cheese... and bread.  Gotta work harder this week. My workplace is about a zillion degrees today, though, so I believe I've lost at least double that amount in sweat today.  Hurrah!

*This post is filed under "life" because cheese is life.  Mmm cheese.

MeMe me me meeeee . . . Award!

The lovely Lori at I Can Grow People has bestowed a MeMe Award upon me.  What is a MeMe?  (Other than a really fun thing to say over and over again, pretending that you're an opera singer warming up at the Met?)

Basically, I have to share seven things with my readers that they (you!) don't know about me and then choose seven of my readers to pass the MeMe Award onto. Let me tell you, this is harder than it seems!  I'm a pretty open person, so there isn't a lot that I'm hiding (and what I'm hiding, I'm hiding for good reason!).  I've spent the past two days trying to think of things that I haven't mentioned before AND are even slightly, remotely interesting.  It's harder than it first seems, but here goes!

1. I have a wretched memory.  There probably isn't a day that goes by that my husband doesn't pick on me for this.  I don't remember anything before I was five years old and don't have solid, great memories until age ten or so.  Beyond that, I don't remember recent things, either.  I like to chalk this up to space conservation; I remember what is important to me.  I like to point out to my husband that he may remember taking apart and reassembling his mother's toaster at age 3, yet he doesn't remember to pick up his socks on a daily basis.  I'd rather pick up my laundry than remember my toddler years.

2. I sort of proposed to my husband before he proposed to me.  We had discussed getting engaged/married but I was still gun-shy about the whole she-bang.  But one day at lunch I told him that I believed we should get married.  After lunch we went and picked out a ring together, which he then took home and proposed to me with two weeks later - longest two weeks EVER!  (Especially the whole "pretending I didn't know about it" to my family part.)

3. Pregnancy grosses me out.  I successfully avoided touching any pregnant bellies until my sister-in-law forced me to touch hers last year.  Just thinking about it makes me want to gag.  I recognize that the creation of life is pretty amazing and the whole process is kind of like a fun science experiment; I just wish I didn't have to be the petri dish.  (No, I'm not pregnant and, no, we're not trying yet.  I'm just surrounded by pregnant women and infants lately so it's always on my mind.)  It doesn't help that....

4. I am a mommy blog addict.  I religiously follow Momversation and a bunch of mommy bloggers, most notably Girls Gone Child (the amazing Rebecca Woolf - yes, I'm still obsessed), Dooce, and Mighty Girl.  Between them and the experiences of my real-life friends and relatives with babies, I have to seriously bite my tongue sometimes around moms because I want to offer my opinion on baby-raising, but feel unqualified to because I'm not actually a mom - just an aunt and avid reader.  I try to take my mommy blog knowledge and use it to make myself a more understanding friend to my mom friends.  Hopefully someday it also helps make me a good mom.

5. I feel like I've lost my personal style.  I think I had more style before my gastric bypass than I do now because now I'm sad about how I look, whereas then it was just a fact of my life that hadn't ever been any different.  I was developing a fun style, I think, when I was thin but then I started gaining weight and it all ended.  I actually feel now like one of those people who's given up, something I'd never guess of myself.  I don't have the money to go out and buy anything, much less all the things it would take for me to feel better about how I put myself together every day, so I'm doing a lot of thinking lately about how I can turn this situation around.

6. You do not want to have anything to do with me if I have not had my morning coffee.  Seriously.  The hubby even bought me a sticker for my car that says, "Give me coffee and no one gets hurt."

7. My graduate thesis was on Harry Potter.  I figured that if I was going to write a 60 page paper, it was going to be on something I didn't mind living and breathing day in and day out for a whole semester.  Long story (paper) short, the argument in it is that many of Harry's decisions and actions are subconsciously based on his orphan status and how he's always looking to recreate the family he lost, even sometimes to the detriment of the other characters.

Ta-da!  Don't you feel so informed now?  And now it is time for me to pass on the MeMe Award to seven blogger readers I'd love to hear more from and think you should check out:

1. "D" at Delightfully Sweet - One of the best home chef/bakers I know.  I really envy her kitchen abilities and absolutely love her food photography.

2. Amy at My Right To Dream - One of my dearest friends and a constant source of inspiration, comfort, and humor.  One of the most giving and accepting people I have ever met.

3. Erin at Thirty-Something - I love Erin's blog because everything she writes about is so interesting and her voice is so clear.  I really feel like she puts her own self out there in her writing, but without ever over-sharing or being boring.  Her concerns (family, career, home, life) are all so close to my own, so perhaps I'm a bit biased.

4. Tara at Tara SG's 101 Mission - I love her 101 list.  She's always writing about and linking to great books, places, recipes, etc.  I particularly enjoy her goal of learning new French words and idioms.

5. Teanna at Spork or Foon - Is that not one of the best food blog titles?  She makes great food look easy AND beautiful.

Numbers 6 and 7.... could be YOU!  While I seem to get the same number of readers daily, with occasional spikes seemingly based on content or random events in the universe, I don't get a lot of comments (as much as I'd love many, many comments). So I throw this out to you, dear reader - take this MeMe Award and bestow it upon yourself!  I say that you can!  My only request is that if you do so based on this post, that you put a link to my blog in it so that it pings back and I can find the post.  Fair deal, right?  If you do this, I'll repost your link as #6 or #7.  :)

All together now: Meme me me me me meeeeeeee!  *glass cracks*  (Anyone else watch that episode of Mythbusters?)

Is this really who we are?

1. Today, on the way to work, I passed a school bus that had a hanging tag in the back window saying that the bus had been checked for sleeping children. Seriously?  We need to proclaim that we did this?  Don't all bus drivers check their bus before getting off or driving somewhere?

2. At 2:26am I received a text message that my best friend's wife's water broke.  I've finally come to terms with the fact that most of my friends are/are getting married (including the fact that I'm married).  Now we're becoming parents?  I have plenty of acquaintances and pseudo-friends who are parents, but no one as close to me as this person - and now he's going to be a dad.  I cried on the way to work today, just thinking about it (tears of joy). They live out of state, but I'm going to be in their area tomorrow and Saturday so I'm hoping she has the baby before I head back home so I can meet the little gal.

3. My job allows no casual wear, ever.  No Casual Fridays, etc.  But today is a half-day and the last day before a full three-day weekend (a total rarity here), so I'm wearing jeans.  So there, take that. I'm a rebel, that's who I really am.  (Okay, really, I'm really not.  But sometimes I wear the pants.)

7 Tuesday Takes - floor wax huffing edition

1. It's break week at work (the week between quarters) so they decided to wash and wax the floors.  Great - except that floor is right under my nose and my office doesn't have a window.  Basically, my job forced me to huff floor wax today.  This made for a fun day.

2. After the wax dried, I decided I'd take an hour out for "lunch" - just to go somewhere and breath regular air.  On my way to my car, I stepped on a stick that scratched the hell out of the top of my foot, drawing blood.  Owie (still hurts).

3. Ended up at DSW and tried on some spectacular shoes, but didn't buy anything due to brokeness.  I hate window shopping and am never able to accomplish this, but today I was high on floor wax.

4. We had a massive thunder and lightening storm this afternoon.  So serious that the power went out at work three times.  THREE TIMES.  It would blink off just long enough for us to lose whatever we were working on and then it would come back on.  Then the lights would flicker every 20 seconds, just to have fun with us.  I think the lights were huffing floor wax, too.  However, we soldiered on.  Who cares if I can't accomplish any work or see straight?

5. For dinner, I planned to make falafel and rice and lentil patties.  The patties failed, big time - couldn't even get them into patty shapes.  It was the first time I attempted this recipe, but I rarely have one fail like this.  The falafel turned out great, but I kept burning my fingers on the pan and dipping them in the oil.  Again, I blame the floor wax.

6. My landlord called just in time to tell us that he had the roof patched so it should no longer leak in our closet.  Good thing considering I just moved a bunch of stuff in there.

7. Tomorrow I work at another window-less location, but it has carpeting.  Maybe they'll be using some of that carpet sprinkle stuff.

Leave it and love yourself

Pouch test bonus: I lost 4.4lbs last week, yay! This puts me 1/3 of the way toward my first short term goal: to lose the approximately 15 lbs I've put on since autumn.  Nine pounds to go and then I'll set a new short term goal.  I totally believe it's helpful and great to celebrate small milestones along the way.

So what now?  Well, I'm continuing with a modified version of the plan.  I think I'm going to keep eating mainly light soups on Mondays and Tuesdays as a way to get me on track for the week.  For today I've made Hungry Girl's V10 soup (like V8 but way more veggies and lighter).  I'm already feeling a bit of snack anxiety (as in I don't have something to snack on, some crunchy little things to nibble throughout the day) but I know that that's one of my major problems and something I'm going to constantly battle, and if some super veggie soup is what's going to get me through today, then that's it.  I did put a 100 calorie pack of almonds in my bag, though, in case I'm not full enough from the soup and get lightheaded and can't concentrate at work.

The (my) relationship with food is so complicated that I just purely hate it (the relationship) sometimes.  There's an interesting article in The Daily Beast today about Disinhibited-Eating Disorder, which they describe as:

As a group, disinhibited eaters are people who are unusually tied into the world around them and, when it comes to food, are more vulnerable to the everyday temptations of the high-fat, high-calorie goodies that surround us than those lucky folks to whom a full table is just a full table . . . For these people, more than other folks, learning how to deal with our toxic food environment makes a world of difference. And by this, I mean learning how to comfortably control it rather than engage in futile battles of willpower with it. If you’re someone who tends to eat just because there is food for the taking, even if you’re not the least bit hungry, read on.

Seriously?  This is SO normal for me that I had to read it several times because I was looking for the part that stood out as the problem.  Obviously I know what the problem is, but what I mean is that it's like reading the definition for schizophrenia and going, "Oh, hearing voices - yeah, that's a big sign of bad things going on."  I read this and went, "Oh.  Right.  Um, that's just daily life." Their solution: surround yourself with a personal microenvironment that decreases opportunities for disinhibition and creates a hunger-free, more-satisfied metabolism. This is exactly what I'm trying to do.  Of course, we all have to live in the real world and work to control ourselves when out in the buffet that is that real world, but a huge part of my life is home and work - two places I do have some (although not total) control over. They go on to suggest six rules for helping keep control (I highly suggest reading the article).

As I mentioned before, my good friend My Right To Dream recently underwent gastric sleeve surgery, a type of weight loss surgery (a bit different from the gastric bypass I had) and she's having a hard time with the first week of recovery, which is significantly physically painful sometimes.  As she talks about it, I remember those times - but when asked before, I couldn't recall much of it because the mental workings of breaking up and reuniting with food was so much bigger for me.  Going into the surgery, I had no idea that I had eating issues.  I feel dumb about that now, but I just really didn't know. I don't need to be a size 10 (though a 12 would be nice).  I don't need compliments on how I look or what a good job I'm doing losing weight (from people who just see any diet as a good thing because they've been conditioned - I do appreciate the comments from the people who know how hard and what a complicated process it is).  I don't want to turn heads.  I'm not a fan of attention, really.  I just want to be happy with me.

Last night I watched the first four episodes of My So-Called Life with Delightfully Sweet.  The show was my first "Things I Miss Friday" item and I can barely describe just how influential it was and still is on me.  For me, that show is magical and I would give anything to have that same team create a new show today.  The closing voice-over of the fourth episode (which I also quoted in that first Things I Miss Friday) speaks to me today just as much as it did when I was 19:

Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.

The Frick

88. Go to the Frick

Yesterday was going to be a two-part 101 day; my friend Kate and I were going to try and get tickets for Shakespeare in the Park and then go to the Frick in the afternoon.  The Shakespeare tickets were a no-go, though.  We had a string of things delay us that morning (Kate's car wouldn't start, we missed the bus by a minute, got on the wrong subway - which I *NEVER* do!! - chose the wrong path in Central Park - the list goes on an on), but none of it mattered in the end because when we got to the end of the verrrrrry long line for the tickets, we were told that there was no way we'd get any because the last people to get any are the folks who got in line at 6:45am.  Ooookay, that was just when we were both getting up, so it would have never worked.  Next year we have to do the whole "get up at 3am" plan if we want to see the show. It's craziness.

However, we had a lovely day in the city, none-the-less, and had a great time chatting.  It's not often that I get to sit and just talk with a longtime friend - you know, that friend who really knows you, knows all your references, who you don't have to explain anything to, knows your family, and so on.  It was really great.  We spent the whole day together, from about 8:30am to 4:30pm and I don't think we stopped talking the whole time. After failing to get tickets, we stuck with our plan to get lunch and go to the Frick. 

The Frick Collection is housed in the former residence of Henry Clay Frick, on 5th Avenue and 70th Street in NYC.  The residence was built in 1913-1914 (Frick only lived until 1919 so he didn't live there long).  After Frick died, he bequeathed the residence and his art collection to a Board of Trustees, who opened the residence to the public in 1935 (after some alterations and extensions were made to the building).  Some additional areas were completed in 1977. The building is amazing.  Walking through it, Kate and I just kept talking (well, whispering) about what it would be like to live there.  It is really just such a beautiful building and it allows for such an intimate experience with the art because very little is behind ropes or glass or protected in any way (which is probably why the museum does not allow children under 10 years old).  You can get up close to the chairs and vases and paintings - so much so that it's really hard not to touch them sometimes, but there are guards everywhere. It's a beautiful place. 

Museums in NYC have gotten more expensive than they used to be (at $15 this is a cheaper one) so plan ahead, but it's a great place to visit; all in all, it would take you about two hours to go through in its entirety.

one view from the Central Park reservoir

another great view

the best running path in NYC

garden outside The Frick

The Frick main entrance

frog fountain

Note: You are not allowed to take pictures anywhere in the Frick.  However, in this water garden area, we saw people taking pictures together in front of the fountain so we figured it must be okay just in that one room.  Yeah, no.  The guard came over and told us it wasn't allowed.  So those people could take pictures of each other but we can't photograph this frog?  Hrmph.  I understand no photos in museums, though - it's fine by me.  I just really wanted the frog.

5 Day Pouch Test - completed!

I can't believe that I made it and don't feel remarkably deprived.  On top of that, I'm actually content.  It's not like I'm thinking, "Well, I'm going to go back to Combos and nachos on Saturday."  I don't want to, which feels almost miraculous.

Days 4 and 5 went fine.  The only off-plan food that appeared regularly was cheese, but I limited myself to just one piece (slice or string cheese).  Oh, and I licked mashed potatoes off the mixing spoon on Day 4.  I'm not one of those people who's all, "Oh my god I ate one thing off my plan and now everything is going to go to hell because this is a sign that I have no self control, blargh bleh schmeh blech."  I just wanted the taste, had it, and was done with it.  Will I have mashed potatoes again in my life?  But of course.  Regularly?  No. What I've gained most is some understanding about what I can and cannot have around.  Carbs are my weakness.  I'm not a fan of the "cutting carbs is the best way to lose weight zomg!" way of thinking.  I need to cut carbs the way someone else needs to cut sweets or someone else needs to cut soda.  Whether crunchy like nacho chips or soft and mushy like potatoes, rice, and bread, I love my carbs, love love love.  But they don't love me.  I end up hungry quickly and then just head for more.  I know this. 

The key now is to live my life accordingly. I feel in control, but I know this control will ebb and flow throughout life.  However, I feel like I've stemmed the lack of self-control flood that's been going on for the past 3 1/2 years.  I really want to stick with this and get back to the healthy lifestyle I had in 2005 . . . and I think I'm on track. Today I had so much energy after work that I cleaned and rearranged our second bedroom (pseudo-office, future baby's room maybe) - a project I've been wanting to do for a couple of months now.  Welcome back energy!!  I can't wait to welcome back my old clothes, but that'll take a while.  I'll accept feeling better for now because it feels great.

Things I Miss Friday - King of Pop edition

Today's "Things I Miss Friday" is both easy and difficult.  Easy because the subject is almost a given, but difficult because it's a controversial given. Kendra from Pop Trash Radio put it this way: "The Michael Jackson I loved died a long time ago in my opinion.  This still makes me somewhat sad."  I believe there are a lot of people that feel that way today, and I am one of them. 

His life and significance are a bit difficult to parse, but so far I see people falling in three camps: 1) those who can only make pedophile jokes today; 2) those who only talk about his great achievements in music; and 3) those who recognize his achievements but also recognize his personal difficulties.  #1 and #2 are laypeople.  I've only seen #3 in newscasters so far.  I believe the #3 is really the only way to go.

How do we give credit to an alleged pedophile for anything he accomplished?  I have always firmly believed that people who commit such heinous crimes are genetically programmed for that sort of behavior.  However, I read something yesterday that I think is an even better description: genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger.  What would have become of this boy genius had there been someone in his life with some knowledge about the special needs and concerns of child stars and the dangers of celebrity?  The abuse of Jackson's childhood is fairly well-documented and not really disputed.  That already creates a particular type of sensitive and possibly troubled child.  Put that child in a fishbowl and continue to have him work in an industry where both your employers and fans fawn over you and it's a recipe for destruction.

I'm not sure we'll see anything quite like Jackson's level of fame for a long time to come.  We are already a much more jaded society and would scrutinize someone similar so much earlier.  For all of his own personal failures and destructive problems, we must hold ourselves partly accountable.  As I stated recently with the Jon & Kate phenomenon, we love to lift people up and then watch with joy as they crumble and fall, all the while still partaking of whatever entertainment it is they provide us (for Jackson, the music).  If genetics loads the gun, then fame and the public's habit of lifting up and tearing down bought the gun, the ammunition, taught him how to shoot, and then pulled the trigger.

This level of fame will also be hard to reach again because Jackson was a rare talent; I don't believe that can be denied.  To Gen Y or the Millenials, it may be hard to believe, but MTV used to be kind of revolutionary.  They had a sort of punk rock attitude when they started and were very much giving the finger to the traditional music industry and cable programming.  They were navigating only semi-charted waters.  However, they didn't play videos by black artists.  It's such an odd feeling for me to think how in my lifetime this was even possible - how segregated the music industry still was during my childhood. However, Michael Jackson changed that.  His music was so good and so broad in its influence that MTV had no choice but to show him.  To do otherwise would have been the equivalent of making people sit in the back of the bus.  With millions of Americans of every race and background buying Jackson's albums, it only made sense that they show his videos.

And then, we can't ignore those videos.  I can't imagine what the world of music videos would look like if it weren't for Michael Jackson.  Maybe the Gen Y/Millennial folks have no idea, but he truly was a visionary.  As the footage rolled on every cable news network yesterday, my brain kept flashing with even more videos (because, of course, the news mainly showed clips of the Jackson 5 and "Thriller").  If you really want to see how amazing he was, watch those early Jackson 5 clips.  He is the standout and nearly mesmerizing to watch. But what about "Smooth Criminal", "Bad", "The Way You Make Me Feel", "Rock With You", "Beat It", "Dirty Diana", "Black or White", and a hundred more.  Who doesn't recognize the lit sidewalk in "Billie Jean"?  Who hasn't seen (and tried) the Moonwalk?  (And that was before the internet - imagine today what would have happened with that moment.)  What about "Scream", with his sister Janet - when they had to actually show some people they weren't the same person.  What about Say Say Say, with Paul McCartney?  How sad that they had that terrible falling out (I'm wondering if Sir Paul will release a statement.)  What about "Man in the Mirror" and "Leave Me Alone, which let us in to a bit of his troubles.  Do you remember "Remember the Time" with Eddie Murphy as an Egyptian king and Iman as his queen?  Because of his extreme amounts of money, he could afford the best special effects available, often before the ordinary public had any idea something like that existed.  I think videos like "Black or White" and "Remember the Time" out-do the late 90s/early 00s Star Wars films.

And then there's "We Are The World."  Sure, there have been other similar projects, but that one stands out - I think everyone owned a "USA for Africa" t-shirt.  I vividly remember standing on stage for one of my fifth grade school recitals and singing that song and how the audience of parents and teachers joined in at the chorus.  Who could pull together that array of celebrities and musicians today without it turning into a horrendous ego-fest AND accomplish a beautiful piece of music that also worked to bring a world problem to light?  I am at a loss to think of anyone who could achieve that today.

People will be tempted to look at him as a divided human being: in one part, an extraordinary artist who has made lasting contributions to the world of music, art, and charity.  And the other part, a troubled and possibly sick human being who allegedly molested young boys and was an all-around weirdo: a pet chimp, a home amusement park, an obsession with Peter Pan, the skin lightening, the plastic surgery.  However, I insist we must work to recognize that this is all the same human being and that this is all intertwined. Artists are often troubled people. 

One scientist found that 20% of poets commit suicide, compared to 4% of other professions, and poets have nowhere near the fame Jackson did.  He was troubled because he was great and because his greatness thrust him into a life and lifestyle that was more than he could manage.  I find it utterly disturbing that he was preparing for a huge tour when, clearly, he had to have been significantly troubled and in poor health.  Shame on his handlers. I have yet to see that side of this mentioned; I hope someone picks up on it and starts asking questions.  Anna Nicole Smith's handlers are being held accountable for their role in her death; his should be, as well.

But that brings me back to us - the video-watching, album/MP3-buying, tabloid magazine reading public.  We are complicit as well.  Nothing grabs our attention more than when a side show takes the main stage. Well now, Mr. Jackson has left the building and it's time for us to find a new show.  Let's try not to destroy the next one, but instead let's work to treasure our artists; we can lift up their work while keeping the person grounded.  We're in this together.  We are the world. I do not believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that there is peace to be had today, both for the people who were troubled by Jackson (the boys, their families, his handlers) and for Jackson himself. I think it's worth taking some time to reflect on all of this.  But I hope it's also possible to take some time to just enjoy some of Jackson's work on the YouTube Michael Jackson channel.  Remember the time.

I'm pretty sure there will be a memorial service for Jackson.  I think what they should try to do is reunite everyone from "We Are the World" and have them sing that in tribute.  It's sad to think how most of them outlived him, but it would remember the best of his life and the best of his work and would be an amazing show of support.  I can dream.

Edited to add: If you want to read similar, much more concise thoughts on this from a far better writer, check out Andrew Sullivan's post on The Daily Dish.  He's got it right.

Day 3 of the pouch test runs a bit off the rails

Yesterday was Day 3 of the 5 Day Pouch Test and so I was supposed to be restricted to soft proteins (eggs, fish, etc).  I did well all day, knowing that there would be an exception made that evening when I went to a "taste of the town" event.  I was going to try and stick to the plan, but not beat myself up if I didn't.

So here's how it went: for $5, we each purchased 5 samples of foods.  You got a card that they punched each time you visited a restaurant (punched as in punched a hole through - wouldn't dieting be so much easier if someone punched you every time you went to a restaurant?).  The wine tasting was an additional $10 so I opted against it.  I can bring a bottle home for less.

Restaurant 1: General Tso's chicken (spicy!!!) ... with rice, gah - and white, to boot.  This was very tasty and very spicy for me (I don't have a high spice tolerance).  I tried not to eat too much of the rice, but I did eat some.  I didn't finish the whole sample, though.

Restaurant 2: Didn't know what the choices were until I got up to the table after waiting in one of the longer lines around.  Long line = assumed it'd be good.  The choices were: pasta, rice balls, potato croquettes.  Eep!  Of course the line was long; we're a nation of white carb freaks.  I went with the rice balls, only eating one of the two they gave me (it was the size of a golfball).  Oh, and it was taaaastteeeee.

Restaurant 3: Vegan chili.  YUM YUM.  Definitely going to have more of that.

Restaurant 4: Half of a chicken empanada.  Okay, so the fried outside dough part wasn't on-plan, but it was really, really delicious.  I haven't been to that restaurant before but definitely plan to go back.

Restaurant 5: Vegan pancakes (same place I got the vegan chili).  And again - YUM YUM.  I would have never guessed they were vegan; they tasted just like their regular pancakes.  I ate three silver dollar sized ones with some sugar-free syrup.  Okay, totally off-plan but, hey, they were vegan. 

So, okay, I'm eating milk and eggs every day this week, so that doesn't count for much but it made me feel better at the time.  I don't think they were too bad. I went home, totally full and not in need of an official dinner.  I did get hungry around 10pm, though, which has been happening every night and is frustrating, especially when my husband also gets hungry around that time and opts to eat a large bowl of Spaghettios.  The funny thing was, though, that I didn't want his Spaghettios.  I wanted something (probably chips and salsa) but not the Spaghettios.  I'm missing my crunchy carbs more than anything, I think.  If he had been eating a panini, all might have been lost.

Today I can eat firm protein, like ground meat and seafood.  However, I'm allergic to shellfish and don't like ground meat lately, so I'm going to stay on the Day 3 plan and stick with soft protein.  Tonight for dinner, I believe we'll have some fish.  Tomorrow I can have firm proteins: chicken, pork, steak, etc., so I think some pork chops are on the menu for tomorrow.

So, yeah, today is Day 4 and all is going well so far.  I thought when I got to this part I'd be like, "THANK GOD tomorrow is Day 5!  I can't wait to be done with this crazy crapola!"  But I don't feel that way at all.  This feels like something I could continue to do, which I think might just be how it's supposed to feel.

A fork, a fork, my diet for a fork.

One of the things I remember from early post-op life was that I missed eating with a fork.  For a couple weeks, I just drank liquids or used a spoon to eat soft boiled eggs or Jello.  Oddly, I don't remember what the first thing I ate with a fork was (maybe scrambled eggs?); it was clearly more important to me that I was actually using a fork.  It was one of those steps towards feeling normal again and not like some freak who just had her stomach stapled.

Today is Day 3 of the 5 Day Pouch Test and I'm almost scared to admit that it's going better than I expected it to.  It feels cheesy, but I really do feel more in control and am honestly surprised by how NOT hungry I am, especially today.  Yesterday was just like Monday - I was limited to liquids and soup and the only things I ate that were slightly off-plan was a yogurt in the morning and some cheese in the evening (I put shredded cheese on the soup I had for dinner). 

What's interesting to me about this is that, clearly, cheese is a concern and something I will have to be vigilant about.  I already knew I loved cheese, but to feel like I can't go without it indicates something a bit bigger (and not just my tush).  I am happy to report that the cheese intake was minimal; just enough to quiet the cheese monster. I ate so little today compared to what I would have ordinarily eaten in a normal day, yet I don't feel physically or mentally hungry. 

I had a slight altercation of sorts with a coworker today (verbally and via email) and my first thought was, "That's it, I need a snack!" but before the thought was even fully out of my head, I had reigned it in and thought, "That's ridiculous.  I'm not hungry and I can't let that asshole force me into eating when I'm not hungry."

For breakfast today I had two hard-boiled eggs mixed up with some salsa.  Then after half an hour I had a coffee/protein shake.  Then I waited another half an hour before drinking my water, treating the morning protein shake as if it were a piece of food, letting it rest in my stomach and keep me full.  For lunch I had a Parmesan tuna patty and another hard-boiled egg. Tonight might prove to be challenging, however.  The hubby, some friends, and I are going to a "Taste of the Town" event where we'll walk up and down the main street in town and sample "bite-sized portions" of the restaurants' best dishes.  For $5 you get five tastings and there's also a wine sampling.

I am going to allow myself $5 of sampling and am going to try to stick to samples that at least somewhat fit into my plan for today.  That means no sampling of bread or pasta and trying to find soft proteins instead.  Even though vegetables aren't on the plan this week, they'll also do since they're better than bread and pasta.  It's going to be difficult, but not impossible.  I feel really in control so now it's time to see how in control I can be when faced with a barrage of food.  Oh, and I'm going to allow myself to sample wine.  Not sample wine?  I'm on a diet, not crazy.

It Sucked and then I Cried

16. Read 30 books and blog about them. (10/30)

It Sucked and then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita
by Heather Armstrong

Heather is the incredibly amusing writer of the blog Dooce. Much like Rebecca Woolf's book, Rockabye, Heather's book reads a lot like her blog. Not being an original Dooce reader, I was not along for the ride when Heather was pregnant with her first daughter and went through significant post-partum depression. I assumed the book would give a coherent picture of that experience, but I have to admit that I was disappointed. At times, she will write something like, "And I was no longer throwing one gallon milk jugs at my husband's head" but I didn't recall being told she was doing that in the first place. I feel like the depression was a glossed over in the description of the time it was occurring and I also feel that her hospital stay lacked description. I don't know if this was a conscious choice because these were details she didn't want to include, a writing error, or she doesn't actually remember all of it. I do wish I knew because otherwise, then, I feel a bit disappointed and cheated.

That isn't to say the book isn't an enjoyable read; it most certainly is. However, where I would read Rockabye again, I don't think I would read It Sucked and then I Cried again. That said, I do think it should be required reading for pregnant women. I am very grateful that we have women like Heather out there, talking about these difficult events in women's (and the men/partners' who love them) lives.

7 Quick Tuesday Takes

1. I'm still really upset by the flippant and hate-filled responses to Jon & Kate.  Maybe it's naive, but I think you can sign up to be on a television show and not expect this sort of media treatment.  Who's following the Duggars around? Anyone?  Which paparazzi are camped outside The Little Couple's home?  Hmm?  Only some people get subjected to this level of scrutiny and, frankly, harassment.  They did not ask for this or bring it upon themselves.  Why don't we have paparazzi laws?  Why is it fair for adult men with cameras to stalk five-year-olds?  Disgusting.

2. Day two of the 5 Day Pouch Test is going well so far.  My only off-plan eating yesterday was a cup of yogurt and a 1 oz. piece of cheese.  So, okay, no off-plan eating would be optimal but I'm still proud of myself.  Hunger is not an emergency.

3. I think your child is adorable, but I don't need to see 85 photos from any family event.  Can you choose maybe 5 of them if you're sending them via email?  Or post an album on Facebook so I can skim through them.

4. I got a FB messages from my ex-work husband yesterday.  It wasn't quite perfunctory, but mainly a research assistance request with a few personal questions thrown in.  I miss my grad school friends.  I miss being around people who read literature and watch the (non-Fox) news and have the skills that go along with a liberal arts education.  I'm looking forward to my new grad classes this fall.  My previous grad classmates set a pretty high bar, though - I hope my new ones are up to snuff.

5. Email is an affliction.  Do any of us really need THAT much email?  I wish the cc option was never invented.  Little by little, I'm unsubscribing from a bunch of mailing lists.  I'd rather just get real emails from people I care to hear from.

6. Yesterday's diary of a food addict post got as many hits alone as I usually get in a day.  This makes me wonder about the interest in food addiction (which I believe is under-represented and misrepresented in the media).

7. My husband's answer to all irritants is "Can I build a flamethrower?"  Today I finally agreed, but only so I can be charred to a crisp, like a snack.  I would be a Combo - crunchy on the outside and soft cheese on the inside (because, really, with all the cheese I eat, I am probably just cheese inside).  What's better than carbs outside and cheese inside?  (Combos, raviolis, manicotti, wontons, quesadillas - I could just go on and on.)  Man, I am a carb addict.

What's your favorite carb outside/cheese inside food?