This past Saturday night was my friend Danielle's bachelorette party. Danielle's sensitivies are similar to mine, so I knew it wouldn't be a completely crazy night, but it was going to be fun and be a bit "more" than any of our ordinary times out and about.
We started out at Lucky Cheng's which, if you're not from the NYC area, may not be familiar to you. Their website calls it a "drag caberet dinner theater" which seems exactly right. Basically, it's a restaurant where, while you have dinner, drag queens sing and dance and perform lap dances.
Yes, drag queen lap dances. I know, it doesn't entirely make sense for a bachelorette party, but somehow it's become a bachelorette party staple. This was my second time there for one (the first time being for my sister's bachelorette party seven years ago). The last time, they had the bachelorettes participate in a banana eating contest. (Get it? A banana eating contest??) This time they called up a random gay guy from the audience and had some of the bachelorettes/birthday girls give him lap dances and then had the rest of the audience choose the winner for best lap dance.
It's all in good fun, although if you're easily embarrassed, it's so not the place for you. The balloon maker made a big girl parts balloon for Danielle to wear on her head and her aunt bought her one of the lap dances, pictures and video of which will not be posted (you're welcome, Danielle).
Afterwards, we headed out to find a bar to spend a few more hours since it was still early, even for us young/new moms in the group.
Here's where I got in trouble.
I wanted a mojito. For the love of all things fermented, I have not been able to have one since Nate was born. Every time I try, they don't have what's needed or they simply don't make them. This place simply didn't make them. So I asked the bartender to make me something "simple with lime." She mixed something up and it was delicious. So I had two more. Yum yum. I had also had a Jack and Diet Coke and two drinks at Lucky Cheng's.
When I go up to the bar and finally think to ask what was in them, the bartender says, "Oh, it was just vodka and Sprite with a splash of lime."
Sprite? Crap. While there are many, many things I can now tolerate that I couldn't in the immediate years post-gastric bypass, regular soda is not one of them (or any other sugary liquid). I can process food with sugar, to an extent, but not beverages. And I had basically just drank the equivalent of a full can of Sprite.
I had also had a good amount of vodka. However, I hadn't eaten much all day because I spent all day working on The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls (more on that another time) and then getting ready for the party and heading out early, only to find out that my car wouldn't start and I needed a ride... and on and on and on. It was a day - and what that ended up causing was no meals before dinner, which I never do. I wish I was the sort of person who "forgets" to eat sometimes. Ha. I never forget to eat. And then our dinner at Lucky Cheng's was very light, too light for me to be able to drink and handle that sugar onslaught.
So I ended up getting sick. Really sick. I was drunk and experiencing the worst dumping syndrome I've had in a long time. I was sweating significantly, extremely exhausted, sick to my stomach, and dizzy. What does that all look like, though? Just being drunk, really sloppy drunk. I ended up in the bathroom at the bar, trying to get some of those drinks out of my system, but the "problem" with gastric bypass is that if you don't throw up immediately, you're not going to because it all moves through quickly. So I just dry heaved. And I was so sweaty that my hair was wet from root to tip. I must have looked like I had a drug problem or something. It was so ridiculously embarrassing. How do you explain at a bar that it's actually the Sprite, not the vodka, causing the majority of your problem?
By the time I got home several hours later (it was a long ride home after dropping several people off), I was feeling a bit better. Again, typical dumping syndrome working itself out. When it happens, all I can do is try to get any of the offending food/drink up and then give my body time to rest.
So I went to bed and asked the hubby to get up with Nate when Nate woke up at 7am. Because he's wonderful, he did. Nate dozed but re-woke at 9am and by then I was ready to get up. I had some water and Advil, we played on the floor for a while, Nate had a bottle, and by the time he went down for a nap, I was ready for some coffee and an English muffin - and, basically, I was good to go.
Here's my proof, then, that this was a sugar issue. If I drank too much, there's no way I would have been fine after only five hours of sleep and a small breakfast.
But I had my gastric bypass in 2004, so what happened here? It's not like I'm new at this. I'm certainly not new at drinking, period, or at drinking as a post-bypass person.
I think I was just out of practice at being that person. I was a pregnant person for the past year, which superseded all other decisions. I forgot that I have to really think about what components go in my mixed drinks, that I have to ask the bartender for specifics, not let him or her decide for me. I forgot that I should eat substantially throughout the day and especially before a night out.
I know all that. I know better. I simply forgot. I re-learned, though.
But I still had fun, as did all the other ladies, and that's what counts most. And the other bar patrons have a good story about the strung out bridge-and-tunnel chick who couldn't even handle three vodka and Sprites. And I have pictures of one of my good friends with a drag queen upside down in her lap. I mean, really, I cannot complain about the night.
