7 Quick Tuesday Takes

1. Yeah, I quit this month's NaBloPoMo. There's just too much going on with work and school to get daily posting done in a manner that I think is quality and worth both your and my time. Unlike previous NaBloPoMo months, I don't care at all that I didn't make it this time. I've got to have my priorities in order.

2. I'm having a bad hair day today. Of course this happens on the day where I have a meeting at work with important people and a rare after-class meet-up with a friend. I'm pretty sure hair has a conspiracy marker on one of its chromosomes.

3. I have fallen down a rabbit hole - a Thomas the Tank Engine eBay Easter rabbit hole. Did you know there are specific Easter Thomas the Tank Engine models? Plus Easter eggs and baskets with Thomas on them? If you don't have a toddler in your house, you probably couldn't care less. But Thomas is a big star in our house (although, arguably, Percy might be the bigger favorite) and both Nate's Easter basket (April) and birthday party (May) are going to be Thomas intensive.

4. A couple of weeks ago, I took Nate to Barnes and Noble, only to discover they have a whole train table setup in the children's section. Nate's never seen a train table before and he froze in his tracks (get it, tracks? har har) when he saw it. He turned around, looked at me with wide eyes, and said, "Whoa." He then proceeded to play pretty nicely (for a 21 month old) with all the other kids there (who I think were mostly older than him). My immediate thought was, "Oh, leaving is not going to be fun." And it wasn't. Nate laid himself down on the floor and cried until I carried him out of there.

After that event, everyone I mentioned it to said, "Oh, does he have a train table at home?" and when I would say no, they were like, "Oh. Ohh." Like, "Your poor son."  Oops. Bad mommy feeling. But, truthfully, I hadn't thought of it before then. But now we have and with his second birthday just a smidge over two months away (holy moly), we are in the market for a train table. I think it will be the perfect gift for our two year old little man, so I have my eye on some multipurpose tables on eBay. (Oh, eBay, I ignored you for so long, but I have returned.)

5. Tomorrow is Leap Day, which I love. There's just something special about a day that only occurs once every four years. Think about how bonkers we all go for Christmas and birthdays and other holidays that only happen once a year? This dude only happens once every four years. If you don't think that's cool, ponder this: it is the birthday of both Tony Robbins and Ja Rule. Now that is day. So you just leap out of bed tomorrow, okay?

6. Tomorrow being Leap Day means Thursday is March, which I am super excited about for no other reason than the fact that it means spring is imminent. I want more days outside. I'm looking forward to taking Nate to the park. (Although last time I took him to the dog park to watch the dogs play, he stepped in dog poop, which I had to later clean out of the grooves of his sneakers with toothpicks and floss. People, PICK UP AFTER YOUR DOGS.)

7. Have you watched the winner of the Oscar for Best Animated Short Film, The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore? You should take approximately 15 minutes of your day and watch it. It really is fantastic.

Who I am at 36

Last weekend, the film of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing was on HBO. This is one of my all-time favorite films, so of course I had to stop channel surfing and watch. And when Nate got up from his nap, he joined me and watched for a bit, too.

You're never too young for Shakespeare.

If you haven't seen this film, you should. It's hysterical. (Yes, Shakespeare, hysterical.) One of the plot lines involves the characters Benedick and Beatrice (played by then-married Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson, sigh) and how they are tricked into revealing they love each other.

Benedick, unaware that he has been tricked into this, upon warming up to tell his friends that despite railing against love for years, he is now in love, says, "Gallants. I am not... as I have been."

You have to see this to get the full affect of Branagh's full-on toothy "beeeeen." It's awesome. But, of course, he is indeed who he has been, he's just evolved and can admit to more aspects of himself than he was previously comfortable confessing.

In the spirit of that, today - four days after my 36th birthday - I am also not as I have beeeen. But in some ways, I am still very much who I always remember being.

I still love:

reading

watching television (more than I should)

going to the movies

cheese

reading about fashion and style (starting reading fashion mags when I was 10)

sitting and thinking

R.E.M., Morrissey, The Cure, and Tori Amos

Converse

being a student

quiet

alone time

autumn

Christmas

I also now love:

my son, more than anything in the world and more than I ever dreamed possible

myself, more than I ever thought I'd be capable of

my husband, who at times I thought I'd never find

teaching

feeling happy (for a long time I preferred feeling depressed)

cooking and baking

I still don't like:

Being told what to do

Feeling like I should like something because "everyone else" does

Rice pudding

Mayonnaise

Sour cream

Being sweaty

Public displays of affection

Hugging

New Years Eve

I still:

Refuse to like things because they're popular (yeah, I'm 15 still sometimes)

Like to buy pretty things I won't then use (like lots of makeup and shoes with heels)

Have to work at being a good listener

Get irrationally aggravated at people who can't properly navigate a four-way stop (I severely hate the people who roll right through their stop sign when I was there first - you'll see me yelling after them, "Stop sign! Stop sign!"... I don't know why this gets on my nerves so much, but it does)

Hate admitting when I was wrong

~~~

Do you remember being a teenager and feeling like there's no way you'll ever truly know who you are? I remember thinking, "I change EVERY DAY. How will I ever just 'know' who I am because I'll never be steady in any way." If I dug around, I'm willing to bet I'd find a high school journal that actually said as much. Even though that was probably 20 years ago, that feeling is still so fresh in my mind. I can feel the essence of how it felt to believe that. But yet, now, I do know who I am. In fact, I don't spend much time really thinking about the essence of me. Sure, I think about things I want to achieve or qualities about myself I'd like to work on, but I don't feel lost in myself like I used to. There are a lot of things I do miss about my late teens and 20s but that isn't one of them. I enjoy the feeling of relief I get when I think about knowing who I am.

That said, I don't want to rest on that relief. There's still so much I want to do and achieve. Being happy with me doesn't mean I don't keep moving forward.

Charmed by a wish list

Ever find an old Christmas or birthday wish list of yours and smile and laugh, remembering what was important to you then? I remember stumbling upon a middle school Christmas list that included New Kids on the Block bedding, the New Kids dolls, the New Kids stage, the New Kids VHS tapes... you get the idea. I think the only other item on the list was a denim jacket. Clearly my priorities had tunnel vision.

I don't make wish lists now because I honestly think I'll get any of the items as a gift. That doesn't happen anymore. What does happen, though, is that I keep track of things I want to get and I also have something to look back at and see what I was interested in then.

And, to be clear, this list isn't going to include things like world peace and a government that actually seems to have any remote interest in the well-being of its citizens. That would just be silly. I'm talking about fun stuff, like things that start with a lower-case "i." Things that are just about me and only me, because if we can't think about ourselves in advance of our birthdays, then when can we?

iPad

The hubby strongly dislikes any of those products beginning with an "i" so this isn't happening until we're in the super financial clear and I get some kind of bonus at work that allows me to buy myself a crazy treat. But all the cool kids at school use them during class and I sooooo want one.

iPhone

Want. Will get with next cell phone contract. Must join Instagram.

Nook Color

My coworker got one of these over the weekend and let me play with it yesterday and today. I already loved it (have played with it at the store and currently have an original nook) but now I just love it more. It's second best to an iPad but still an incredible device that mirrors a lot of what I would use the iPad for.

initial necklace

I've wanted one of these with an "N" (for Nate) for over a year now. One of these days I'll get it.

Toms - shoes and shades

TOMS shoes are ugly/cute, you know? I want them in fifty different colors/patterns. And did you know they have sunglasses now? I want the top style; I'm totally in love with them. (And the hubby's name is Tom so I feel like it would be silly fun to wear shoes with his name on them.)

This poster

Because getting this tattooed on my arm would take up too much space.

Pictures from Little Brown Pen

Just click that link and browse beautiful pictures of Paris. I want the market collection for my kitchen, the green collection for my bedroom, and the red collection for my living room... and all the rest, just because I want to go back to Paris so much it aches sometimes. (The feeling, that is, not Paris. I hope Paris itself isn't aching. It deserves better than that.)

I know it seems silly, but it's actually fun to just talk about things you want that you know you won't get any time soon. I did always find having goals fun (nerd alert! nerd alert!) and I guess this is kind of like that.

What completely unnecessary items are you crushing on these days?

Early birthday fun

Day 26

For my birthday, my brother bought tickets for us (he and I) to go see a play in NYC. It wasn't just any play, though - it was a play, Bella and the Pool Boy, written by his former college roommate and being shown as a part of the NYC Fringe Festival. HOW FUN, right?

And, not only did we go to the play, but we went to dinner at a favorite restaurant first: Republic.

oh heavenly beef skewers with peanuts, noodles, and veggies...

I took my brother to Republic years ago. Or maybe he wanted a Thai restaurant recommendation and I just directed him to it? I don't even remember anymore. For both of us, though, it's our default go-to restaurant in NYC. The food is incredibly delicious, the service is amazingly fast, the location is great (Union Square), the prices are surprisingly reasonable, the decor is super fun (huge photos of people covered with noodles), the waitstaff is always fantastic, and it has communal seating. If you show up with fewer than six or eight people, you will undoubtedly end up sharing a long table and benches with people you've never met before (which I love).

Following dinner, we made our way over to the theater. The cast wasn't allowed in until a certain time, so we actually got to see them outside - which means my brother got to hang out with his former roommate and some other college friends for a bit. It was their opening night, so most of the people in the audience were friends and family (and the show was sold out).

The play itself was great - highly enjoyable. I found the directing to be particularly superb. There's one scene that happens in slow motion that was really incredible. I'm laughing to myself right now just picturing it.

And, coincidence of all coincidences? One of the guys in the play is good friends with my brother-in-law (the hubby's brother). He went to the same Rutgers school as my brother's friends, just a few years later, and they run in the same work circles, basically. So here I was, going to see my brother's friends, and there was someone else that I've seen at parties at my brother-in-law's a bunch of times. I love a small world.

The play was not just enjoyable, but good. You know my barometer for that? I was still thinking about it today - about the themes, the ideas, the jokes, the way it was staged. It was all so good. I really hope - and expect! - to see my brother's former roommate become a big star one day.

I'm a fun copycat.

Life kind of sucks a little bit right now. We're so broke that we can't do anything. Even spending money on gas to get to work is killing us right now. (And really, that's for going to work. We both like our jobs but we'd also like to go elsewhere at some point.)

And my birthday is coming up. I've reached an interesting (at least to me) point with my birthday. I'm not all excited about it, like I might have been ten or more years ago (25 probably remains my favorite birthday, although 30 runs a close second). I'm not depressed about it either since, as far as I can tell, there isn't too much difference between being 35 and being 36. I know motherhood is a big chunk of this, but I'm far less interested in myself than I used to be. At times I do ache for the sort of introspection I used to have the time and energy for, and I do miss it, but I'm okay as I am right now.

But as much as I'm fairly okay with myself right now, I'm not okay with my life. As stated above, it kind of sucks right now. Every day I wake up with Nate. Every day I deal with having a dog I don't want to have. Every day involves meal planning on an invisible budget. Every day involves barely seeing or speaking to the hubby. Every day involves being too tired to focus on much reading. It's monotony and restriction.

So what's the prescription for that? FUN!

Yes, this is still me. Yes, I just used the word fun. I know, not something I discuss much. To be honest, I am completely and totally copying this idea from Maggie Mason. (Oh, and be sure to watch the TED video there. Can I just express how much I want to go to a TED event? So, so very much.)

So here's the plan. I'm going to do at least one fun thing every day for the next 30 days; day 30 will be my birthday (automatic fun!). I thought about doing a different 30 day project - you know, to actually be unique and not a complete copycat but - 1) my brain is too tired to come up with something great that also offers the possibility of being completely free and 2) I could use the fun, really. And having to keep it free is going to force me to be a little inventive on some days and to also look at some things a new way and see the fun where I may not be seeing it right now.

Oh - and I plan to take photos of this fun. We'll see how that goes since I'm not really a good photographer and I don't have Instagram to help me out.

But there it is. Fun. 30 whole days of fun. Well, 30 whole days in which something fun will happen each day. 30 days that are all fun, wholly - well, that's just not happening. This is still me.

Have you ever embarked on a 30 day project?

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Happy 31st Birthday to my hubby today!

(You youngin'!)

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We might not have enough money to go out to eat tonight

and I might not be able to afford a gift for you this week

but I love you

and we can have Mexican pizzas for dinner tonight

even though we just had tacos last night.

Yes, this is love.

Happy Birthday, honey.

Not Really Wordless Wednesday

Last week, as my last days of maternity leave (and my time as a 34 year old) flew by, I spent more time with friends and family than I did online.  I thought maybe I'd write about last week on Monday, in case Monday was too hard to write about immediately, but as it turned out, I was able to write about Monday on Monday (hurrah).  So now, onto last week... (and, really, not really wordless at all, but I try...)

Last Sunday (a week and a half ago now), Nate was baptized.  He was perfect during church and the party was also perfect.  The rain held out just until my sister thought it was an appropriate time for it to rain so people would go home (ha).

my little angel at church

same angel, ready to party

Last Tuesday, I turned 35 and the hubby bought me these really cute earrings:

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And this totally fantastic necklace:

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I wore the necklace to work yesterday and love every moment of wearing it.  I absolutely adore the asymetry; it really, really appeals to me.

My friends surprised me by stopping by and giving me a gift: a Keurig coffee maker!

 

I've used it daily since getting it.  So in love.  They also brought over cupcakes from my favorite local cupcake place (which makes the best vegan cupcakes I could imagine - and I'm not vegan but I'm addicted to these cupcakes).  Kate also brought me a cupcake from them - strawberry, my new favorite!

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So I was swimming in delicious cupcakeness.  (And I didn't gain weight.  The cupcakes are magic, I swear.)

My parents gave me a Barnes and Noble gift card, which I used to buy a Lyra Light for my nook and ... THIS:

Oh the heaven that is this cookbook.  It deserves its own post at some point... possibly many posts as I hope to make many of the recipes in it.  I am in love with this book.

I'll also be buying the digital version of:

I'm fairly obsessed with the Flatiron building and NYC history overall so I can't wait to dig into this book!  It's going to have to wait a few weeks, though, since the intensive courses I'm teaching are taking up too much of my time to afford me a full lunch break for reading.

The second half of last week flew.  It was a flurry of time with my sister and her kids, time at my parents' house doing seven loads of laundry, and other marvelous pursuits.  (I'd post a picture of the laundry but, ew, gross.)

So I finished my birthday week/final week of maternity leave sugared up, fully caffeinated, and cleanly dressed.  Not bad.

Halfway to forty - no, seventy.

J'ai trente-cinq ans.

Trente-cinq.  Thirty-five.

How did I get here?  Yesterday morning I was thinking, "Wow, that's halfway to forty.  No, wait, it's halfway through my thirties to forty.  It's actually halfway to seventy.  Uh.  Whoa."  That certainly put it in perspective.

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I hate when women lie about their age.  I will never be one of those women because I believe in fully owning your age.  Sometimes, however, I do complain about my age.  There isn't enough money in the world to make me agree to be a teenager again.  I really liked being twenty-five.  I liked being twenty-nine.  Thirty was okay.  Since then, though, I haven't found much to like about my age.  My life, yes, but not my age - so I wonder if the secret of your thirties is that they're really not about being in your thirties.

Since turning thirty-four, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary and had a baby.  Pretty big things.  Things that are far bigger than the number that marks my years.  Before my next year marker, I'll have a son who's walking and talking.  That is certainly bigger than increasing a number.  And he'll have his first birthday.  That number matters.

So I'm halfway to seventy today.  I'm tempted to tell people that when they ask how old I am.  Last year I probably wrote my birthday post sitting at a desk, uninterrupted.  This year I wrote it while sitting on the floor next to my son, who was playing on his activity mat, and I interrupted this post sentence by sentence to look at him, interact with him, laugh at him, and with him.

This year, that is what my life became about - creating his life and shaping it.

That said, I've been feeling a sense of renewal since attending BlogHer a week and a half ago.  I streamlined my Twitter and Google Reader feeds and am loving the free time I've found by doing that.  I've started looking discerningly at my wardrobe, trying to figure out how I can liven it up and make it feel more like "me" again.  I've been looking for a new home - one that will suit our needs and allow us the space we need, space to play and breathe, the two biggest things I feel like we are (I am) missing right now.  I get to teach at work for the rest of the year, something that always helps me feel like me.

So I feel like my journey is starting a new chapter this year in several significant ways.  I'm figuring out what it means for me to be a mother.  I'm still learning in my marriage, sometimes every day.  I'm still developing my career.  I'm still a student - and I love it that way.  I don't ever want to stop learning or stop trying to improve my life.

And none of that will ever have anything to do with the number of candles on my cake.  In fact, I'm not even having a birthday cake this year - and that's not on purpose, but it's fitting.  It's just what my life is now.  The hubby won't be home from work until 10pm and we have a busy week beyond that.  My life is no longer about wondering about presents (or even expecting any) and getting people together for a day about me.  Today is just a day like any other this month.  It sounds melancholy but it's not.  It does, though, feel more grown up than I feel.

Are we not supposed to care about our birthdays as we age?  Are we not supposed to still want that day - or at least a little of that day - to just be about us?  I'm not that grown up yet.

So maybe I'll go buy myself a cupcake later and stick a candle in it.  Nate can't sing "Happy Birthday" but he'll give me a big smile and that will do just fine.

Fill in the Blank Friday: Birthday Edition!

Because it was Lauren of The Little Things We Do's birthday yesterday (Happy Birthday Lauren!), she posted a birthday edition of her "Fill in the Blank Friday" series.  I already wrote a post today, but it's my birthday in four days so I figured I can post twice today. (It's my birthday and I'll post twice if I want to, twice if I want to...)

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1. Birthdays are different than they used to be.  I used to be huge about my birthday - who doesn't love their own personal holiday?  But after 30, their importance just dwindled.  And this year, with Nate, it feels completely irrelevant.

2. My favorite birthday memory is a tie between 16, 25, and 30.  16: my parents rented a condo down the shore and we spent the week there.  As a 16 year old, anything that got me away from my hometown and my incredibly boring summers made me happy.  I was able to wander around the boardwalk by myself or with my sibs and keep to myself instead of being home and feeling bad about not having more friends.

25: I decided my party should be at Mike's in Baltimore so I rounded up my friends from NY/NJ and drove to MD at about 100mph and we had a great party.  So great the cops showed up.  So great that I believe I explained they couldn't arrest me for being loud or send me home "becuz it's my birfday!"  I loved being 25.

30: Three decades, three parties: one with family, one with local friends, one in Baltimore.

I just realized, turning 35 this year, I should be having a party in Baltimore.

3. A birthday tradition I (or my family) has is ice cream cake.  Having an August birthday means always having ice cream cake, which is fine by me.

4. If I had to choose one birthday meal to eat for the rest of my birthdays hence forward, I would choose pizza, much to the hubby's chagrin.  What can I say, I love pizza (real pizza, pizzeria pizza, not like Domino's or something).

5. My birthday is on August 17th - this Tuesday!  (At 11:51pm if you want to be specific)

6. If I could take a birthday trip, I would go to Paris, sit at a sidewalk cafe, order a cafe latte and a croissant, people watch, and eavesdrop in French.

7. The best gift I've ever received for my birthday was ... wow, I'm drawing a blank.  That kind of sucks for anyone who's ever given me a present.  I've gotten some great presents (a bike, things from Etsy, jewelry) but I can't think of something that's the one best gift ever.  If I come up with something later, I'll revise this but I've been thinking about it all day and haven't come up with one.  I think it's just that my birthdays have always been more about having dinner with family and friends and not about the gifts.  I'd rather have the gift of time with the ones I love.

How about you all?

P.S. Happy Friday the 13th!!

1.  Birthdays are:       my favorite thing.  I love feeling special and having a day for myself, but I also love celebrating other people's birthdays and making their day special for them too.

2.  My favorite birthday memory was      my mom bringing cupcakes to my ballet class for my 5th birthday (they even had little plastic ballerinas on top!).  We ran out of cupcakes and I didn't actually get one.  I threw a fit.  But then we went home and my mom made me a whole batch of cupcakes all to myself :)   .

3.  A birthday tradition I (or my family) has is       watching the meteor shower that happens every year on my birthday  .

4.  If I had to choose one birthday meal to eat for the rest of my birthdays hence forward, I would choose       Papa Haydn, which is where we went last night.  I had a delicious chicken/bacon sandwich, french fries and chocolate truffle cake.  Perfection  .

5.  My birthday is on     August 12th - I'm a Leo! .

6.  If I could take a birthday trip I would go       to Dubai.  It seems like the kind of place you could live it up...like Vegas...only classier and without the ads for legal prostitution littering the sidewalks  .

7.  The best gift I've ever received for my birthday was      a hot pink LoveSac from Craig the summer before moving away to college.  Even though it wasn't the coolest gift, it was so thoughtful.  I was decorating my dorm room in hot pink and lime green and he knew it would be the perfect compliment.  And yes...I did say hot pink and lime green.  Don't ask what I was thinking - I'm still not quite sure myself      .

Happy Birthday Hubby!

30 years ago today, the world (well, my mother-in-law, in particular) welcomed one of the greatest gifts of my life: my hubby.

I know it doesn't look like it here, but I do like to look at him.

I was never (ever, ever) the type to say that my life wouldn't be complete until I got married.  But now, it would most certainly feel incomplete without my hubby, regardless of our marital status.

Who doesn't want their own personal rock star?

The hubs is impossible to shop for, but I shouldn't complain about this because the reason he's so hard to shop for is that he's ridiculously content with what he/we already have.  He needs a new car, but clearly that is outside the birthday present parameters.  He wants a new amp, but that's also a no-go for our current residence.

I finally found something great on Friday, but it won't arrive until the end of the week, the earliest.  If I had found it earlier, that would have been great, but oh well.  What's a few days when we have the rest of our lives together?

Speaking of, our one year wedding anniversary is coming up next weekend, but I've had that present planned for a year now!  More on that next week, though.  No ruining the surprise before then.  (Plus, I'm still working on it!)

But there's plenty of other stuff coming up this week, including a surprise for y'all!  Yes, you, dear readers!  I said on the second that there was "SO MUCH MORE" this month and I'm not one to lie.  Stick around.